


How have I screwed up this badly?

by hobbeshalftail3469



Category: Cormoran Strike Series - Robert Galbraith
Genre: Human Disaster Cormoran Strike, Longing, finally getting it right!, getting the wrong idea, realisation of lurve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 22:44:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14778678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hobbeshalftail3469/pseuds/hobbeshalftail3469
Summary: Robin has realised how she feels about Cormoran, following the break up of her marriage and a period of self inflicted celibacy.She confides in Ilsa and Nick who give her some good advice.....unfortunately Cormoran is useless and messes it all up.....until he doesn't.





	1. This is Corm....subtle is not gonna work!

**Author's Note:**

> This is quite tongue in cheek! Robin's description of fancying Cormoran is meant to be slightly ridiculous!  
> [Anyone from non UK who may be unaware; a Magnum is a type of chunky ice cream on a stick covered in thick chocolate!]

"I've got it bad!" Robin shook her head sadly. She was sat at Nick and Ilsa's kitchen table, on her first glass of wine; following 2 mugs of coffee.  
"And when exactly did you notice? I mean, when did it all change, 'cos presumably you haven't always felt like this? Or have you?" Ilsa asked, her chin propped up on her fist.  
Robin took a deep breath and looked like she was thinking back, "Honestly?........about 6 weeks ago. Do you remember we had that hot weather?" Nick and Ilsa nodded and urged Robin silently to continue and get to the good bit. "Well he was in the office........eating a Magnum!" Robin's eyes glazed over and Ilsa recognised the look; a mental image of her mate Corm, with his smouldering masculinity (which did nothing for her after all these years of knowing him, but hey....she was still a red blooded woman!) devouring the ice cream popped into her mind and both she and Robin sighed slightly.  
Nick glanced between the two of them, shaking his head and oblivious to how an ice cream could cause someone to realise they fancied you,  
"What am I missing?" he asked, "So....he was eating a Magnum.....and?" he continued, his mind flicking through possible scenarios, films, books any references to ice cream.  
"Well.......he was just EATing it!" Robin emphasised, her hands semi clenched, "You know?.......Reeeaallly eating it!" and she shrugged, noticing that Ilsa had crossed and uncrossed her legs across the table from her and was nodding in silent understanding.  
Nick gave up and tried to move the conversation onto something within his level of understanding.  
"So, you said you've tried to find out whether he's interested? What have you actually done then, 'cos he hasn't mentioned anything?"   
"Well, I've tried to be subtle....I mean, I don't want to screw it all up if he is not interested," Robin remarked, prompting Nick to guffaw loudly.  
"Robin, of course he's fuckin' interested.....he's male with a pulse.....no offence Ils' babes," he squeezed his giggling wife's knee.  
"Yeah....and subtle is NEVER going to work with Corm......you could hit him around the face with a brick that says 'Robin fancies you' and he'd still hang back thinking it might be a joke!" Ilsa added. "No my girl......if we're gonna get you 2 laid we're going to have to be as subtle as a flying mallet!" and she downed her wine and refilled both glasses.


	2. "Do a bit of digging, Nick!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So good old Nick is instructed to find out if Corm really is interested in Robin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again.....this is very tongue in cheek!

Nick and Cormoran were propping up the bar in one of the many 'locals' they had between them. There was a match on the TV in the corner, so Nick hadn't had to badger his friend too much into meeting him for a couple of pints.  
"Saw Robin the other day....popped round for a natter with Ilsa.....she's looking pretty good post Matthew!" Nick's eyebrows raised lasciviously as he downed a mouthful of beer.  
He noticed his friend's eyes briefly flick up, as if he was picturing a previous event, before he replied, "Tell me about it......she's been wearing that bloody grey skirt a lot recently; I'm not gonna lie....it's pretty hard to concentrate on dunkin' 'ya tea bag," and he shook his head as if mentally wiping away the image.  
Nick laughed along with his friend, mentally filing that one away to regale his wife with later.  
"So is she still on her 'no men' thing?" he asked.  
Strike nodded sagely, "Seems to be, but I reckon she's getting horny.......keeps making double entendres; hilarious ones it has to be said.....some of 'em complete filth.....must be hard" they both laughed broadly at the unintentional one Strike had just dropped!  
"She's not gonna be single for long mate," Nick continued, trying to add a more serious tone.  
He noticed his friend was absently tracing the condensation on glass and looked deep in thought.   
"What the hell can I offer her?" he said, sadly, before changing his tone, "And Ilsa would liquidise your gonads if you tried anything.....so here we are!"  
When Cormoran went to relieve himself Nick quickly messaged his wife : WE'RE ON!

Ilsa phoned Robin, explaining that she needed to drop off some tickets for her in the morning, so she shouldn't go to the office early. She explained the rest of the idea and reassured Robin at least 15 times that Nick wasn't lying, Corm had definitely shown interest in her.  
Robin knew she had to do something, it was getting ridiculous!  
She'd almost licked his beard earlier that day; he'd leaned over her computer monitor to look at a postcode and she'd had to physically stop herself leaning over and tracing her tongue up his cheek!   
"OK, why not?" she said into the phone, feeling a lot more confident than she felt!


	3. "Oh for goodness sake Cormoran!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cormoran manages to totally mess up Ilsa's plan.....but in his defence he's the only one who's in the dark!

Robin brought the coffee as usual and plonked Strike's cup on his desk after she'd gone through her usual ritual of removing and hanging up her coat and bag. She was wearing a new pale pink shirt which she'd left an additional button unfastened on and she'd added her black kitten heels below her black cigarette pants she had no surveillance plans today, and even if she did she now had a pair of Sketchers under her desk) plus she was wearing a little eye liner and pink lip gloss on top of her usual peach eyeshadow and burgundy mascara.  
Strike noticed it all; but in his usual professional manner focussed on his coffee, disguising an exhalation as she bent across his desk as a blow on his hot cup.  
"Got something," Robin's eyes twinkled and she waved 2 tickets in his direction, "I managed to get 2 tickets for that Paul Weller acoustic thing at Brixton academy." She inwardly squealed as his eyes lit up and he snatched them from her hand.  
"You absolute gem!" he shouted excitedly and reached for his phone, scrolling through the names before holding it to his ear; it was obviously answered and he spoke into the mouthpiece, "What you up to tonight then?" she heard, before she turned and left the office.  
She couldn't make her mouth close, she rewound the scene in her mind......had she explained it wrongly? How had he jumped to the conclusion that she was giving him BOTH tickets? And how the hell was she supposed to rectify it without making them both look like a pair of complete tits? And who the hell had he basically had on speed dial to ask to accompany him? She wracked her brain but he hadn't mentioned any female names lately?  
What a complete fuck up!  
She made up an appointment and left the office, spending most of the day in a Costabucks drowning her sorrows in latte and millionaire shortbread.  
Cormoran messaged her later in the day:  
DO YOU NEED TO COME BACK OR SHALL I LOCK UP? C  
Robin replied that she was done for the day!  
___________  
Nick and Ilsa spotted Cormoran from their position in the venue - the lighting wasn't fully down, but he appeared to be alone; maybe they'd arranged to meet there, or maybe she was in the loo....  
"Where is she then?" Nick asked, slapping his friend on the shoulder, Ilsa held out a bottled beer to him.  
"Who?" Strike asked, reaching for the bottle which Ilsa snatched away from him, her eyes wide with questions. His face was a picture of non understanding and frustration - he was parched and there was clearly a beer with his name on it.....why was Ilsa being such a cow?  
At that point Richard Anstis hove into view and clapped strike on the back,  
"Can't believe this mate, the one gig I've been desperate to see!" he then noted the strained expressions of Nick and Ilsa's face and met Cormoran's bemused look.   
"Oh for goodness sake Corm!" Ilsa fumbled in her pocket for her phone and indicated to Nick that she'd be phoning someone....possibly for a while!  
"What?" Strike asked again, his volume increasing in line with his frustration.  
"Where is Robin?" Nick asked flatly, his eyebrows adding the silent 'you stupid fucker!' to his question.  
"I think she said she was planning a back to back box set.....why?" he added, miles away from understanding why he still wasn't allowed beer.  
Nick swallowed and flexed his neck, "Could you think back to when Robin told you about these tickets?" Strike eagerly went along with it......what the hell was he missing?  
"Yeah, she came in and waved 2 tickets and said 'I've got you these 2 tickets for that Paul Weller gig'" he said, staring at Nick who clearly didn't believe him.  
"Think again Oggy mate......did she actually say I've got YOU 2 tickets?" Nick tapped his index finger on his bottle.  
Strike's expression went from focussed concentration to face slapping realisation in a matter of seconds,  
"Oh fuck.......fucketty fuck.....FUCK!........she........fuck......FUUUUCK!" his hand gestures and body language filled in the rest of the blanks, "I was supposed to....." Nick nodded, "....and she was supposed to....." again Nick nodded, ".....and you knew?....why the fuck did you let me balls it up?!?"  
"Seriously mate, I didn't think even you COULD balls it up!" Nick replied, noticing Ilsa returning, with a face like thunder.  
"You prize prick!" she admonished him.....but finally lamented and handed him the beer.


	4. "You can't fancy me!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, after messing up, Cormoran goes to try and fix things with Robin......he's a disaster, but he comes through in the end!

Ilsa relayed the sobbing wreck that was Robin on the end of the phone to Nick after Strike had bolted.  
"I've told her he's on his way round, but that seemed to make her worse!" she added, although she had a thought that Robin being a soggy mess might actually work in her favour; because useless though Corm was when it came to matters of the heart, one thing he could never fight against was an upset Robin!

He grabbed the first cab he could find and asked it to motor to Robin's flat. She's found one through a friend of Nick who had a 'crash pad' but hadn't needed to use it since taking a job in Dubai.....it had never occurred Strike to ask before now why Nick hadn't suggested it to him!  
It seemed to take an eternity for the 15 minute ride, during which time Strike mentally relived his stupidity - how the hell had he heard what she'd said and assumed BOTH tickets were for him.....what a numpty!  
And he'd straight away got on the phone to Anstis......at least he hadn't been stupid enough to invite a woman though.....but he was clutching at straws to try and redeem himself.  
He knocked insistently on Robin's door - he'd been there a few times now and knew that the outer door would be opened if he pressed all 4 buzzers - so he was able to prostrate his sorrow in the relative privacy of the hall rather than kerbside.  
"Robin, please let me in....I've been a complete arsehole! I'm so, so sorry!" he added sincerely, his head resting on his bent forearm on the door jam.  
Inside he heard incredibly snotty sniffs and the sounds of the lock being opened.  
"What' you doing here?" she asked.  
"Grovelling..........?..... feeling like a prize prick?......" he said meekly; wondering whether humour might lift her.....if often did, and she'd laugh at him inspite of wanting to punch him.  
"Both valid.....especially the second one though," she added, and opened the door a crack, turning away from him, this was enough of an invitation for Strike to enter.  
The place, which she usually kept as scrupulously tidy as he did his own flat, looked like the day after a student party; or the day after a 24 hour bender session! Tissues were discarded randomly, there was a half eaten tub of expensive ice cream on the side table with a spoon sticking out of it, and she had clearly been binge watching Bridget Jones movies; although there was currently a musical film on her TV - he didn't recognise it, but the music was slightly familiar.  
"I wasn't crying over you," she sniffed and blew a slight snot bubble from her nose, "It's a very emotional film!" she indicated the screen and the DVD case, 'The Umbrellas of Cherbourg' , "It's nearly finished though," she added, hiccupping slightly and throwing herself onto the sofa, "I'm such a stupid cow!" she wailed.  
Strike couldn't have felt more like shit if he'd tried, he crossed over to the sofa and turned her around physically by the shoulders to face him.  
"Robin, look; I fucked up.....but I need to you be totally honest with me.....even if you think it'll make you look stupid.....I promise it won't, but I don't want to be at cross purposes again, OK?" he spoke calmly, although every fibre of his body just wanted to crush her to him and kiss her until she realised how much of a dickhead he felt!  
Robin sniffed again, but nodded slightly,  
"OK.....earlier on, when you waved those 2 tickets at me, where you giving me both tickets?" he asked.  
She shook her head, still looking at her lap and the twisted tissues in her hands.  
Strike continued, "So, are you saying that you were giving me ONE of those tickets?"  
Robin nodded this time and raised her face a little, she was concentrating on the buttons on his shirt and the fact that she could see a swath of dark hair between them.  
"And was the other one supposed to be for you?" his voice was softer now, almost pleading for her to answer with a positive reply.  
Robin finally met his gaze and nodded.  
Strike smiled so that his eyes crinkled, "Tell me why....I need you to say it," he pleaded with her.  
" I wanted to go out with you......because I really, really like you," she managed to get out before he dragged her into his chest and inhaled her deeply.  
"....and I totally fucked it up because I didn't think you could ever fancy me!" he almost laughed into her scalp.  
Robin drew back, her turn to make the face Cormoran had made earlier in the club; bewilderment, "Why?" she asked incredulously.  
He looked slightly pained, "Robin; I'm ancient, hairy and I've only got one leg.....not exactly fantasy material compared to the likes of Matthew!"  
Robin's gaze became soft and longing, "Cormoran," (why did it sound like a purr when she uttered it?) "In my many, many fantasies about you, trust me, your age is NEVER a negative; I happen to like hairy chests, something which Matthew tried, but failed to deliver on, and as far as your leg is concerned," at this point she leaned very purposefully into his neck, "I don't want to be fucked by your leg!"  
She smiled up at him and he smiled down at her,  
"So......these fantasies, involving me?.........You fancy trying one out? My evening seems to have become free!" he winked and waggled his eyebrows in the most non-threateningly sexual way possible.  
Robin was done with wasting more time and with the possibility of making her intentions unclear, so she straddled his lap and kissed him deeply and hungrily.  
"How could you have screwed it up so badly?" she whispered playfully, shaking her head at him.  
"Strange," he groaned as she nibbled her way down his neck, "I suddenly don't feel like I screwed up at all."  
Robin drew back, her hands behind his neck, "Oh," she pouted, "And there was I going to punish you....."  
Strike sat back, his hands held in mock surrender,"I take it all back....I'm bad, a total disaster.....punish me!".  
But his crinkled smile made that impossible......that and the fact that Robin just wanted; well.....she wanted more than his leg!


End file.
